hp_bunintheoven

Title: Cravings of a Madman
Author/Artist: enchanted_jae
Pairing(s): Draco/Harry
Prompt: #S2: Weird pregnancy cravings. The weirder the better!
Summary: Harry is the pregnant one, so why is Draco feeling ill?
Word Count: 965
Rating: PG
Warnings/Contains: Wildly weird pregnancy cravings.
Notes: Shout out to

jake67jake for providing the beta.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Draco was relieved when all Harry requested for breakfast was pancakes. His husband had been eating odd things lately. Very odd things. Draco was aware that cravings during pregnancy were part and parcel of the process, but some of the things that Harry shoveled into his gob were downright horrifying.

"Here you are, love," said Draco, setting a plate with a steaming stack of pancakes in front of Harry.

"Thank you, Draco. These look delicious."

"Eat up," Draco encouraged him, setting the crock of butter and the bottle of syrup beside Harry's plate. Draco then took a seat across the breakfast table from Harry, smiling as Harry diligently spread butter across each pancake. Draco accepted the butter when Harry finished, hesitating with his knife poised over the crock when the cupboard doors swung open.

A array of items floated out and landed on the table within Harry's reach. Before Draco could comment, the refrigerator opened and more items joined the parade.

Harry's expression was a strange mixture of delight and concentration as he first spooned spicy mustard onto each pancake and spread it with his knife. He then drizzled maple syrup over top, while Draco fought his gag reflex.

Harry wasn't done yet. He grabbed the pepper grinder and added a generous amount of the spice to his breakfast. Next, he spooned pomegranate seeds over everything and topped it with individual dollops of lemon curd. Finally, Harry garnished his creation with the candy sprinkles he normally put on his ice cream.

He deftly cut a piece and brought it to his mouth. "Mm..."

Draco gave a slight shake of his head and began preparing his pancakes. Just butter and syrup, thank you. "I am shocked that you can eat that, Harry," he chided.

"It's good," Harry replied with a shrug. He took another bite and frowned.

Draco froze, hoping Harry wasn't about to bolt for the loo.

Instead, Harry rubbed his chin and mused, "This needs something else. Something salty." He waved his hand and summoned a bag of crisps to the table. Harry fished out a handful and crushed them over top of his pancakes. He took another bite and nodded in satisfaction.

"Would you like to try a bite?"

Draco shuddered. "No, thank you."

"You don't know what you're missing."

"Heartburn and nausea?"

The corners of Harry's eyes crinkled as he smiled and chewed.

"Our child will be born with an ulcer," Draco sighed before taking another bite of his breakfast.

"He'll be fine," countered Harry.

Draco glanced up at him. "I thought you were convinced we're having a daughter."

"That was last week," said Harry. "Now I believe we're going to have a son."

Draco's mouth opened, but he reconsidered saying anything and took another bite instead. There was no sense trying to keep up with Harry's thought processes.

Draco was almost dreading lunch, but for once Harry didn't request anything outlandish, nor did he add anything bizarre to his food. Draco found himself hoping that the worst of Harry's cravings had passed. He should have known better.

Harry leaned over his dinner plate and took a deep, appreciative breath. "This smells tremendous," he said, eyes on the grilled chicken breast, baked potato, and mushy peas before him.

Draco cut a small bite of his chicken and put it in his mouth. "It tastes tremendous, too," he said after he'd chewed and swallowed.

Harry took a bite, chewed, and tilted his head to the side.

Draco suppressed a groan as he wondered what his husband was craving now. His eyes shifted to the cupboard doors, which had banged open and were now dislodging another parade of spices and condiments.

Harry gazed at the items in glee, almost as if he wasn't sure which one to grab first. He opted for the jar of peanut butter. Harry stuck a knife inside, withdrew a generous portion of peanut butter, and spread it over his chicken breast.

"Why can't you simply crave pickles and ice cream, like a normal pregnant person?" Draco huffed.

Harry's face lit up. "Draco, you are a genius." He waved his hand at the refrigerator, which opened to disgorge a jar of sliced pickles. Harry opened it and began placing pickles on top of the peanut butter, making sure to press each slice onto the sticky condiment. Next, he added miniature marshmallows and followed with a drizzle of tabasco sauce.

Draco knew he should look away, but he was riveted by the horror unfolding right in front of him.

Harry took a bite and grimaced.

Draco held his breath. Had Harry's odd cravings finally met their breaking point?

"It needs something sweeter," Harry announced. More items floated from the cupboard and came to rest on the table. Harry drizzled some caramel sauce over the chicken and added a dash of his ubiquitous candy sprinkles. He then cut a piece and brought it to his lips.

"Harry, how can you eat that?!"

Harry smirked at Draco. "Like this," he announced and popped the disgusting morsel in his mouth. "Mm," he hummed, chewing with glee.

Draco shook his head in disbelief. "Our son will be born with a garbage bin for a stomach."

"Nonsense," scoffed Harry, "and, we're having a girl."

"But, I thought...never mind," Draco huffed. He'd been warned about cravings and pregnancy brain, but it seemed that Harry was bedeviled by more than his fair share of odd yearnings and flights of fancy.

Harry added candy sprinkles to his mushy peas and took a bite. His expression grew thoughtful. Draco didn't dare prompt him.

"You know, Draco, you may be onto something."

"Oh?"

"I think we should have a son--"

"I'll put in the order."

"...and we can name him Skip!"

Draco cradled his head in both hands and groaned.